Middle Age SUCKS

I pretty much consider myself middle aged. I've got friends who would contradict that and say I'm just a kid at 47. I have noticed the older I get, the older middle aged gets.

Lets look at the math, I am 47. Two times 47 is 94. Now, I don't know that I'm going to make it to 94, so to me 47 (or actually a little less) IS middle aged.

Here's the thing that SUCKS about middle age... it's not MY health. Despite some chronic aches and pains and my recent foot surgery, I think I am in *good* (not *great*) shape. It's that my friends keep dieing.

I got out of the house last Thursday, mostly because being cooped up in here was making my mental state tenuious at best. I had a really good day out. I went up to the shop and talked to my business partner and friends. Robby took me out to eat that night and just in general had a *nice* day. I kind of over did it with the foot, but I've been good (very good) since then.

I got home to find a message on our answering machine from a neighbor's son. He asked me to call him back that he had "some news he needed to give me." Uh Oh, this didn't sound good. *He* sounded ok, but the wording of the message didn't sound good. I initially thought it was bad news about his dad, who has recently been in poor health. His parents have been friends of Robby's family, and ours, for nearly 30 years. They are divorced now and She has been displaced from her house (across the street from us) since the hurricane. She's been staying with her mother at her mother's house. Her mother has Alzheimer's and she had been taking care of her.

When I called the son back. He said his mom had had heart surgery Tuesday, the 8th (I didn't know this) and she didn't make it, she passed away in the early hours of the 10th. I was stunned, shocked and I just couldn't think of anything to say other than I was sorry.

I am still stunned and shocked. Marlot was 51. Four years older than I am. And now she's gone. Jason told me on the phone all the details, but I couldn't remember them. I called Robby and told him. He was shocked too.

It turns out when Marlot was a child she had cancer and had Cobalt treatments for the cancer. This worked and she grew up, got married and had kids. But one of the reasons they don't still use Cobalt like they did then for cancer treatment is the side effects. It can cause heart disease. Marlot developed heart valve problems and they did surgery to correct that. But when they stitched her up the stitches didn't hold (more effects from the Cobalt treatments), the heart muscle wouldn't hold the stitches and tore, her heart leaked where they stitched her. They went back in and tried to fix it, but by then her whole body was shutting down and nothing could be done.

I've been wracking my brain trying to remember the last time I saw Marlot. I know it's been several months ago when we really talked, but was it before my birthday of after... I just can't remember...

I found out last night at the visitation at the funeral home that she came by to see me, either they day of my surgery or the next day, but I was pretty out of it and I didn't even know she was here. I think she was going to tell me about her own surgery.

I feel really bad about not even knowing that she was going to have heart surgery. I feel bad that she's gone. She was one of those people who had been through SOOOOO much in her life, but inspite of (or maybe because of) those things she had a wonderful outlook on life.

Oh, and the thing that sucks THE most is... her second grandbaby (a girl) is due in 2 weeks. Though Jason (her oldest son, the one who called me) said, "It's just like her not to be able to wait for her to get here, so she (Marlot) went to heaven to meet her first."

I know this is pruely selfish, but I miss her and though my life is better for having her as my friend, it's worse now that she's gone.